As time is passing and my desire to be a good person grows I look back on so many situations and wonder what I could have done differently. I remember a very specific situation from my teen years when I was arguing with a friend. She said something that hurt me and I immediately went for the jugular to hurt her back. I know I cut her to the core. To this day I regret what I said. I now know I reacted to that situation when I very clearly should have responded.
I am sure you are wondering the difference. A reaction is immediate from the unconscious mind. It is an in the moment quick decision. It usually does not involve any thought and is tense and aggressive. Reacting comes from being on the defense. Most of the time it is in response to a situation or comment that hurt you. A reaction usually gets another reaction and concludes with regret later when looking back.
A response is slower from the conscious and unconscious mind. It takes in all facets of the situation resulting in an outcome benefitting everyone. A response begins with the same triggers but you use thought, emotions and rationality in your response. A response usually starts healthy conversation resulting in resolution.
A great example of this is the job of a first RESPONDER. A lot of education goes into this job. They learn how to look at entire situation and all possible outcomes in a very quick and limited amount of time. How many success stories do you think there would be if the job title was First REACTORS?
I have been very focused on not reacting. Up until my late 30’s I was absolutely a very reactive person. My gut response was always to say what I felt and wanted now and deal with the consequences later. That thought process resulted in many things I can never take back, hurt feelings, loss of trust and most importantly me not liking myself very much.
Now, when I find myself in a tense situation I breathe. I run all the different scenarios of what I might say through my head. I always say what is on my mind and if it is controversial I do it with tact and no mal intent. My end goal is never to hurt someone. I want to be kind and honest resulting in stronger and more trusting relationships.
When you find yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable take the time to breathe and evaluate all possible outcomes. Make sure you choose the one that allows you to be true to yourself and the person you want to be.
Be Happy and Smile!

Resources:
Reacting vs Responding by Narcwise Maggie
React vs Respond by Matt James PhD
Reacting vs Responding by Sabrina Baker