This summer I had both my kids home.  No camp for the first time in over 17 years.  I thought I would kill them or myself and that is not what happened at all.  I enjoyed every single minute of having my family complete.  I loved really getting to know the wonderful people they are becoming.

The summer started off rough.  They wanted meals.  They wanted to hang out.  They would just sit on the couch and ask me a million questions.  Come into my bed late at night being silly and asking for hugs.  Driving the younger one to driver’s education or work.  The older one, that drives wanted company driving to his trainer and I would go.  For 3 months I do not think I was ever alone in my house.  I didn’t get to my yoga class once all summer.

I want this summer back.  They say when you drop your child at college you leave a piece of your heart with them.  I never thought it would feel as true as it does.  I am so happy to watch him fly and live out every single dream.  Seeing him succeed academically, athletically and socially makes me beam.  There will be struggles, but he knows he can do it and that his support system is huge.  Every day he is growing into the man my husband and I knew he would be.

My younger daughter misses him terribly.  The house is so quiet.  There is no fighting.  No giggling from the bedrooms.  No teaming up from them teasing me or my husband.  She is lonely.  I am doing my best to make her feel special and spend quality time with her.  I am probably making her crazy!

She is in junior year of high school and before we both know it she will be gone as well.  I do not think I can handle it.  We spend so much time together.  She is my little partner in crime and I cherish every minute I spend with her.  I drive her every place she asks and will cancel anything if it means having more time with her.  Soon enough, she will be driving and she will not need me anymore.  What will I do then?

I watch my husband.  He misses his best friend.  Their car rides together long distance, smoking cigars on the porch catching up on their day, watching lacrosse on television for hours on end. All over.  For now.  Winter break will be here before he knows it and his buddy will be back.

We have made the most amazing memories and bond with our children.  I am so proud we have created such strong, independent, yet family-oriented kids.  I am sad that they are growing up way to quickly for my liking.  Weren’t they just born and needing me to survive?  When did they become 19 and 16? 

They are still my babies and always will be.  I love watching them grow into the amazing humans they are.  This is how it supposed to be.  They have become my friends.  I not only love them, I actually like them.  I enjoy my time with them and long for more.  So, as I sit here in the park remembering the days I couldn’t wait for them to leave for the summer, I wish I could take it back.