The past few weeks I have not been listening to my body.  I have been burning the candle at both ends.  My son is home after a year in Canada, it is my daughters first summer home in 8 years, the weather is finally gorgeous, my husband has summer hours and I want to enjoy it all!  I don’t want to miss one moment!

I think when you have any kind of disability it becomes your mission to overcome it.  You do your best to prove to yourself and the world you are normal.  It then becomes an internal battle of doing what you should to take care of yourself or saying, “Fuck you disease!  You are not winning today!”  I have been speaking to so many people lately all with different diseases and the story is the same.

I have been running on fumes for weeks now.  This past week may have put me over the edge.  I partied and played for 4 straight days Fourth of July Weekend, did all my normal activities the rest of the week, went to a concert Thursday night and out to dinner on Friday.  Saturday, I came crashing down.  I was furious! It was a picture-perfect beach day and I literally could not get out of bed.

I tried my best to push through, but it just was not going to happen.  I am very lucky to have the support of my family when it comes to my disease.  My husband told me to go to our bedroom and rest.  I pretty much slept the day away and the poor guy never left the house.  I know he could have gone out.  I wonder, “Is he afraid to leave me alone in case I need him?”  Knowing him, the answer is yes. 

I absolutely love him for that and upset with myself.  I do not want to be needy, sick, disabled or a burden!!  Why did I push myself so far?  When it comes to my disease I am still learning every day.  I make so many mistakes and pay for them later.  This lesson is now fresh in my mind and I probably won’t do it again any time soon.  Regular people struggle with burning the candle at both ends, what makes me think I can do it?

Sunday was a new day.  I did not push myself and took breaks when I needed them.  I have learned that falling down is a part of life.  Getting back up is living.  I want to live every day to the fullest.  No more doing so much that I lose a day.  When I look back on Saturday all I can say is, “LESSON LEARNED!”