30 years ago this fall I was in a horrific car accident.  If you are close to me or went to high school with me you know this.  If you are truly in my inner circle you know how much this event has impacted so many aspects of my life.  I relive this accident all the time, but really dwell on it in the fall.

My friend and I were driving home from school.  I was the driver.  My high school boyfriend was in the car next to me.  We had the windows down and music playing.  I remember speeding up to pass him so I could get into the turning lane.  I do not remember what happened next or the next few hours.  There are bits and pieces of what I think are my memories, and then there are things I was told by others. 

The version I have put together in my head is what I will tell you next.  I somehow lost control of the car.  I went over the divider, into oncoming traffic and flipped over a guard rail.  I remember being in the trunk of my car (I had a hatchback).  I saw my friend lying on the ground.  The next thing I remember is being in the hospital.  I do not know how I got out of the car, what was going on with my friend or how I got to the hospital.

I woke up in a room and my parents were there.  I will never forget seeing their faces.  It was a combination of fear and relief.  How could I do this to them?  I found out my friend was critically injured.  It really was not looking good and it was all my fault.  I had minor injuries and was released, but we stayed at the hospital for hours.  I couldn’t leave.  I needed to know she would be ok.  My parents made me leave after what seemed like forever and we went home.

My friend’s journey was going to be a rough one.  She would need multiple surgeries and rehab.  She was suffering and in so much pain.  I would cry myself to sleep every night.  Every day at school we prayed for her.  Updates became my focus in life.  I needed to know she was going to be ok.  I needed to know she would walk, have babies, live a normal life.

I remember the day she came back to school.  It was months after the accident.  Everyone was so happy.  I wanted to vomit.  I couldn’t even look at her without hating myself.  I spent the morning crying in the nurse’s office.  I just wanted to go home.  I wanted to leave high school forever.  I could not finish the year seeing my friend walking with a cane.  All because of me.

I look back at it now and am sure I was in some sort of depression.  My HS boyfriend and I broke up, I began to act out and behave irresponsibly and worst of all, stopped being friends with the girl I hurt.  I thought she blamed me and hated me like I did myself.  I was living in hell and couldn’t wait to graduate.

For years I went about my life not letting anyone know the guilt I felt inside.  When I saw anyone that had a connection with the girl in the car with me I would ask how she was.  Through the years I found out she was happy.  Had a normal college life, got married and had 3 children.  I still couldn’t forgive myself.  There was something I needed and didn’t know what it was.

Then she posted on Facebook.  It was an anniversary of the accident.  She wrote how she is thankful for it and how it made her have the life she has now.  I read it at least 100 times and just kept on crying.  I finally got up the courage to message her.  I apologized for everything and basically poured my heart out.  I let out way too many emotions than I probably should not have.  I didn’t expect a reply. 

Within minutes I received a notification.  She responded.  She explained how she never blamed me and that it was an accident.  Her words were amazing and everything I ever needed to hear.  I could feel the sincerity.  I could feel the weight I had been carrying for so long come off.  I was crying uncontrollably, yet breathing better.  I called my husband.  When he answered I was hysterical and just kept saying, “She forgives me” over and over.  It took me a while to calm down and poor Keith had no idea what I was talking about.

That was the day I realized what a true act of kindness is.  Something that was done from the bottom of her heart wanting nothing in return.  What she didn’t know, is how it changed me.  This kindness and being forgiving began to consume me.  I know how wonderful I felt and I wanted everyone to experience that.

Being kind has become my mantra.  I always look for the good and the path to happiness in every situation.  I have made a career out of it for goodness sake, lol.  It is amazing to me that something so horrific truly shaped two people into who they are today.  The woman and I are not friends, but we are bonded together for life.  She will always be a part of me and I will forever be grateful for her expressing her outlook on life because of the accident.  That post opened up a door for me to reach out and changed me for the better.

So, thank you.  You know who you are.  You are truly a blessing in my life and I am forever grateful xoxo

Please do not forget to vote for me for Best of LI Life Coach. You can vote every day!!! Every vote counts. https://bestof.longislandpress.com/voting/#/gallery/?group=330484