This week I experienced severe anxiety and social overload for the first time in my life.  As a New Yorker we have not been living a normal lifestyle.  Our quarantine is very strict and our governor has instilled the deepest sense of fear into the residents making socialization very difficult.  I have been living in my own bubble for almost a year now.

I thought I was doing great and well adapted until this week.  I went to Florida to surprise my mom.  I was so excited and looking forward to less restrictions.  I felt safe since I had covid in January and was ready to go!  I was wrong.

I shocked the pants off my mom surprising her.  She immediately got herself together and out we went.  Day one was easy.  A little shopping in a small town, early dinner and more shopping in an insanely overcrowded and high energy town. I went back to my hotel room alone.  I needed that.  My emotions were on overload.  I decompressed and got a good night’s sleep to prep for the full day scheduled on day 2.

My sister in law arrived on day 2 and off we went to an outdoor restaurant and bar.  We enjoyed some cocktails and lunch then walked around the pier.  This is where the stress really kicked in.  My mom and her husband were so excited to see us and show us EVERYTHING!  I could see their emotions and I just wanted to please them.

They planned for us to have every second of the day fully booked.  It was so kind, but I wanted to cry.  I wanted my home.  I wanted to sit on my couch wrapped in a blanket.  Figuring out how I was going to rally was giving me anxiety. My emotions were all over the place.

After lunch my sister in law and I went to a wine bar to relax.  This was my kind of plan.  We were the only people there enjoying each other’s company and taking in the scenery.  The wine definitely mellowed me so I was feeling slightly more relaxed.  Back to the hotel to get ready for dinner.

Another jam-packed town filled with bars and music.  I was totally freaking out.  The thing is, the masks were in full effect.  So, here is everyone partying and doing their thing with masks on.  It was like walking around in a contradiction.  Like, is it me?  Am I in the twilight zone?  Am I the one that’s crazy, lol?  2 dirty vodka martinis please.  Yep, I was feeling fine!

Thank God my sister in law was exhausted and we cut the night after dinner.  This did not happen before planning a lot of activities into day 3.  Tour of my mom’s apartment and grounds, walk to the beach, off to a town with shopping and lunch, quick stop at hotel to change clothes, back to apartment to get mom’s husband, out to dinner.  At some point during lunch I hit the wall.

I called my husband to vent and explain what was going on in my head.  He agreed I was on full social overload.  The positive is that I was with family.  I could have these crazy emotions with no judgement.  The negative is that before this pandemic I was a highly social person.  If I am struggling, what does this mean for our children and the rest of society.

I am going to leave that above statement right there as I am not trying to make this post controversial.  What has happened thanks to this trip is I have realized I need to change a few things about my lifestyle.  I need to get out more.  I have to start re-socializing.  Going out to dinner once a week for a few hours is not cutting it.

I have now been home 3 days and doing my best to go out for more than one errand a day.  Trying to keep myself occupied for a few continuous hours.  No more sitting on the couch for hours in the middle of the day binging on Netflix.  I am scheduling actual workout time into my day since that was such was a huge part of my regular routine prior to the pandemic.

Realizing how the pandemic is affecting me and figuring out ways to re-socialize myself has been a huge wakeup call for me.  I truly hope and pray you are all doing well and taking care of you.  XOXO