Have you ever hated someone so much that the sight of them makes you sick?  Hearing their name can make your blood boil?  You have imagined arguing and saying things to this person that are terribly hurtful?  They will never be in your life again?  Does any of this sound familiar to you?

It resonates way to well with me.  There were times I wondered if the anger I felt would ever go away.  I was becoming consumed with bitterness.  This is not who I am and I started to not like it.  Something had to change.  The problem was I couldn’t get over the feelings of the past and the pain this person caused.  I began to wonder, “Is it possible to truly forgive someone?”

One of the things I used to love and hate about myself was my willingness to let people in.  I am no longer that person.  I have trust issues and keep my heart guarded.  Recently, I have been presented with a situation where I wondered if I should let someone from my past back into my heart.  Could I truly forgive and move on?

I know people say, “I can forgive, but I will never forget.”  Is that really forgiveness or is it just moving past something?  I began to slowly let this person in after over 10 years.  Speaking infrequently on the phone and reacquainting ourselves with each other.  I was beginning to like this person.  They were not who I remembered them to be.

I thought about and I realized, I am not who I was 10 years ago, maybe she has changed as well.  I really began to like this new person and it scared me.  Could I actually forgive the past and leave it there?  Or, would I just be moving on and allowing this black cloud to remain over our friendship?  For me, it wasn’t going to be worth the investment if I couldn’t honestly forgive.

Funnily enough, she must have been having the same thoughts and emotions because during our next conversation she brought up our past.  We discussed what happened, how we have both grown, the beautiful relationship we were beginning to develop, and now, where do we go from here?  We spent a good amount of time figuring out what we wanted to do.

We decided to forgive and start fresh.  I am not sure how she has chosen to move on, but I am on a new book.  I closed the old book and burnt it.  I want a new beginning where nothing from the past is lingering and putting a damper on our new friendship.  I look forward to seeing where this journey goes.  I know for me, if you are in my life it is because I love you with all my heart and you bring me happiness.  I trust you. 

I do not forgive easily because of the reasons above.  I am not fake and I will not entertain a BS relationship.  I truly felt this person had changed and decided to let them in.  My heart is sacred.  I protect it.  Not everyone needs to be my friend and I certainly do not have to like everyone.  But!  But, if I am going to forgive, I am going to truly forgive.  Our friendship deserves that xoxo