The past few years I have really grown as a person.  I have discovered that my circle is very small.  I keep my home very minimalistic.  I spend a lot of daytime alone.  Weekends are mostly with family or very close friends.  I only make time for people that when I am with them they bring me happiness.  This all happened after I cleaned out my house.  When I say house, I am talking about my body, mind and soul.

I did not clean out my house willingly.  I had to.  My mind and heart went into survival mode.  I had a falling out with a dear friend and I went to a very dark place.  It was as if I was in mourning.  I did not go out.  I cried a lot.  I trusted NO ONE!  The lies and judgements from others had just become too much to bare. People I thought were my friends who had nothing to do with this situation began talking and having opinions about me behind my back.  Most of these people didn’t and still don’t know the truth.  I shut down.  I needed to make a change for my own mental health.

I decided it was time to audit everyone and everything in my life.  My husband had become my lifeline and that was not fair to him.  Slowly, I began to let in someone that has become my forever friend.  We were always friends, but we really started to develop a very special bond.  When we spoke or saw each other I always felt loved and never any judgement.  She was there for me, and I for her.  We truly had a friendship that was, and still is very supportive of each other.  She brought me back.  I realized I needed more people like this in my life.  People that are special.

When I cleaned out my house I realized how much I love people.  I recognized who kept calling and wouldn’t let me shut them out.  I was being so cold and protective of my heart.  But, these people, these truly amazing people kept fighting for me.  They wouldn’t let me let them go.  That is why I let them in.

My family and I decided to move.  My son accepted an amazing opportunity to go to school and play lacrosse at a top ranked program in Canada.  My daughter decided to go to a private school far from our home.  My husband was beginning a new job.  I decided this was it.  If there was ever a time to push reset it was now.  We sold our home in 3 days and I knew it was meant to be.

As I began to pack up our home I started throwing so many things away.  I was packing up boxes of stuff that I knew I wasn’t going to use.  I was giving away furniture, selling items and donating others.  I was only going to bring the things I loved into my new home and nothing else.  The metaphor of cleaning out my house was becoming literal and I was loving it.  My heart was becoming whole again.

Recently, I have found something is eating away at me.  I am angry.  It has been over 4 years since I cleaned my house.  I took inventory of my life and found what has been shitting on my love for life.  I took a day and decided the situation could not be mentioned by anyone.  I fielded phone calls from anyone related to the situation.  I had a fabulous day!  I was happy and even did some singing and dancing in my kitchen which you might have seen on my Instagram story, LOL.

I can’t clean this situation out of my life.  I need to learn how to come to terms with it.  I have decided to deal with it in my own way.  I know how I feel about it, and more importantly how it makes me feel.  I see the way it began to consume all aspects of mind, heart and family relationships in a very negative manner.  Sometimes, when we take inventory we can’t push away the situation, thing or person that is bringing negativity into our life.  We must learn how to work with this obstacle and not let it take over our house.

This is yet another stepping stone on my journey of life.  How I choose to deal with it will be the trajectory of other life experiences to follow.  I realized what was going on and decided I needed to do something.  Taking inventory and cleaning out your house is necessary for emotional survival and your goal of happiness.  There will be upset and sadness during this purge, but in the end, you are number one and have to put yourself first.  It will all work out.  The things that don’t kill us only make us stronger.  Now, go take inventory and clean out your house.  You deserve happiness!