As 2020 is ending and 2021 rapidly approaching, I am sitting here in my bed reflecting on so much. This past year has certainly brought every single emotion to the surface and with that a new learning experience. I am proud of who I became in 2020. I made it through the shit storm wiser, more confident and with a bit of a different outlook on many relationships.
The beginning of this year started out in Puerto Rico with my family. Ringing in the New Year together and in the sunshine. This was going to be a great year! Fast forward less than a week to my husband and son being sicker than they ever have been in their lives. We later learned they both probably had Covid-19. It took months for them to begin feeling better, but they both fought through it.
James continued to play college lacrosse and Keith working every day. We were enjoying going to our son’s games, watching our daughter thrive throughout her junior year in high school, my business growing daily and so many more amazing things. Our plans for the rest of the year were full of hope and promise! Then came March 13th, a day I will never forget. The day the world shut down.
In the beginning I was calm, one might even say optimistic. Two weeks, I can do this. I will work-out from home, bond with my family, get to all those projects I keep putting off, the list was endless. Two, three, four, 1 month, 2, etc… time was passing me by and I was not ok. What started off as me and the rest of the world doing our part to flatten the curve was quickly turning into a living fucking nightmare!
I would wake up ready to take on the world with a positive outlook. Within minutes, thanks to social media and news outlets, all I was surrounded by was doom and gloom. I began to think, “How are we all going to get through this when there is only negativity?” What was worse, I was beginning to grow a strong dislike for people.
I am that girl that likes everyone. I can be seated at any table for a party and invited to a dinner with anyone. Seriously, I try to see the good in everyone and always make excuses for people’s bad behavior. This was no longer the case. I hated everyone! Between Covid and all the politics going on I became increasingly less tolerant of people. Why couldn’t everyone just shut the hell up!?
While trying to do my best to avoid controversial conversations I found some people thrived on it. I took myself off Facebook for a while since that seemed to be the biggest offender, but it only helped a little. When I went back on I was able to release my feelings. This action made me feel great! The comments from people that agreed with me gave me a high. It was becoming a crazy addiction. Then came the people that disagreed with me.
What I could not understand for the life of me was why they were even following me? I blocked anyone with a different view from my feed. I wanted my page to be filled with my one-sided opinion, lol!! Seriously, I did! This was working for me, but every now and then out came the people that just couldn’t control themselves. The ones that just seemed to thrive on controversy.
I blocked all those people from seeing my posts. My Facebook became my happy place again. I saw things in people that really bothered me. My values and attitude no longer aligned with them. Now what? I truly needed to self-preserve. The rabbit hole I was going down was becoming detrimental to my own well-being. So, here is the million dollar question, “Is it selfish to put yourself first?”
My answer is NO! A big huge fat NO! When I reflect on the ups and downs of 2020 I find I was at my best for myself and my family when I was putting myself first. When I say this, I don’t mean I bought myself designer boots over my children’s needs. I set my alarm for a half hour earlier than normal. I practice Reiki on myself, write in my journal and do sun salutations A & B. This is my time. My mental health is thriving!
I skip phone calls and plans simply because I might not be in the mood for people. I enjoy a cocktail on a random weekday. Ordering in because I am done and just don’t feel like cooking is nothing to feel bad about. Taking a long hot bath, indulging in a Netflix binge, sweating it out at a yoga class smack in the middle of the day, all good! Deciding things and/or circumstances that worked for you in the past, no longer bring you joy, say goodbye! That’s ok too!
As I sit here reflecting on horrible 2020 I see that maybe it wasn’t so bad. I learned to appreciate all the blessings I took for granted every day. Realized my core values and desire to be with people that think and act more like me. Truly started to live my life in an authentic way the past few months and have found what real happiness feels like.
2021 may be great and it might suck. I am setting my goals for my own personal growth, happiness of my family and friends and making time for people that make me smile.
I wish for you a fabulous New Year filled with good health, love and happiness. Do you and do it proud! Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle! Set some goals that are right for you and will keep you focused. Be true to yourself and always enjoy the journey!
If any of this resonates with you and you want coaching to attain your 2021 goals contact me at any time to set up a free discovery session https://ketolupie.com/get-in-touch/
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